Therapists

       Today my therapist had to cancel our appointment (and all her others) and I was slightly devastated, partially because I’ve been having a “I'm a worthless loser” week and partially because I actually kind of enjoy going to see her and I already think that I don’t get to see her enough. [The weirdest thing is that I had a dream last night that she cancelled my appointment, no lie. I should really try to hone in on that apparent psychic ability.] Now, I’m sure she had a very good reason for not going to work today but I still couldn’t help being a little angry because I needed her and she didn’t show up. It didn’t matter that she really has no responsibility to me whatsoever or that dealing with me is just what she gets paid to do, the emotional part of my brain didn’t want to hear it. This is where the relationship with your therapist gets a bit tricky. You want to like them and feel comfortable with them so that you'll talk to them and they can help you, but at the same time you have to realise that they’re not really your friend. Their job is not to be at your beck and call 24 hours a day. My therapist already goes beyond this for me so I have absolutely no right to be mad at her but sometimes it’s hard to get the rational part of your brain to communicate with the emotional part of your brain.

       It gets even harder when you start to think about the fact that it’s really a one-way relationship. You are completely dependent on them for your happiness and sanity but to them you’re just another patient. I’m not saying that they don’t care about their patients but you are still just a part of their job description, they see tons of people just like you every week. My therapist told me recently that I wasn’t a parasite, that by participating in our sessions I help her hone her counseling skills (as do her other patients), but in reality that’s just what we are. We go on and on about ourselves and our problems and we milk them for their skills and strategies without giving anything back. But I guess that provides the line between friend and therapist, although sometimes it can get a bit smudged. And plus, I’m sure seeing us finally happy at the end of it all is gratifying for them, this is what they chose to do for a living after all. So I guess I just need to work on getting myself to realise that it’s not personal, that this isn’t a friend who’s blowing you off, and hopefully I can hang in there until our next session.