Self-Esteem

       I’ve always had trouble talking to people and since ADHD makes it harder to learn social skills, I figured that I just lacked them and so I was told about a book that outlines social rules, etc. Unfortunately the book was completely useless because I already knew most of the things they were telling me, this led my therapist to believe that I do have social skills I just don’t use them and she couldn’t figure out why. For the most part I agree, I think I do have the skills but my problem is that I feel like I have nothing to talk about, I have trouble coming up with things to say (plus my auditory processing disorder makes it difficult to grasp what everyone is saying in real time) and this basically comes down to a lack of self-esteem. I’ve always believed that everyone is more important than me and I couldn’t see why anyone would want to hear what I have to say or listen to my problems so I’ve always just stayed quiet. Apparently I don’t give myself much credit (or that’s what I’ve been told), and I do hold myself to very high standards, especially since I believe that I should be able to do things the same as everyone else regardless of my disabilities, but I think it will be a long time before I believe that anyone would want to listen to me when I’m upset or something.

       On the other hand, people generally don’t choose to talk to me that much, my therapist says that it’s either because they think I’m shy or they think that I don’t like them because I don’t talk to them but maybe I’m just not a very likeable or approachable person, who knows. I’m really not as shy as people think (at least not anymore) and my not talking to you simply means that I’m not a conversational wizard. I have come out of my shell quite a bit in the past year though. I’m starting to give myself some credit and now have a bit of confidence in myself. Plus, getting a diagnosis and being properly medicated massively boosts your self-esteem. You are no longer crazy or a horrible person, there are explanations for how you act and you can help control it with drugs and therapy which completely changes your perspective on things and gives you a reason to hold your head up high. I just spent a week talking to tons of people I didn’t know (or didn’t know well), something I never would have done a couple of years ago. Now, I’m not going to lie, alcohol does help but I no longer require it to have a real conversation with someone.