It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, it
started off as “writer’s block” and then I just kind of forgot about it. I’d
like to start writing again though, to share my more recent struggles with ADHD
and Bipolar and maybe help someone along the way.
Earlier this year I had a lot of trouble with anxiety and periods
of emotional distress (basically just out of proportion reactions that had me sending
intense emails to my therapist when something happened that stressed me out and
made me anxious) but with a few medication and lifestyle adjustments we have
been able to dull these down quite a bit. For the anxiety, my psychiatrist
increased the dose of one of my antidepressants and had me go off caffeine (luckily
for me I don’t get caffeine withdrawal) and since then I have been doing very
well. I also received some “words of wisdom” from my therapist. Every time I
was anxious about something she would ask me what was the worst thing that
could happen and then get me to give her possible solutions if that did happen.
After doing this for a few months she made me realise that no matter what
happens, it’s not the end of the world and I will find a way to figure it all
out and that has calmed me down quite a bit. I’m fairly chill and at ease
nowadays, which is a very weird feeling for me. Reducing my anxiety has also
helped a lot with the emotional distress because I don’t freak out about things
anymore, but my therapist helped me as well. Initially she just had me try to
distract myself when I was upset so that I could get through those periods
relatively unscathed but then one day when I went to see her, we talked about
my most recent distress period and she said what if you just didn’t freak out?
What if you accepted that you were anxious or upset about something and then
just let it go, moved on? And somehow that worked. The next time I was getting
panicky I just let it go and all was good. Strange that that’s all it took but
hey I’m not complaining.
On another note, my presentation skills have definitely
improved. I used to get really nervous and I would be shaking while I was
giving my talk but that barely happens now. I recently gave a talk and didn’t
shake at all! I don’t know if the reduction in my anxiety helped with that or
if it’s just that the more you give talks the more comfortable you are but I
feel like it was a combination of both.
So overall, I’m doing pretty well these days, at least on
the bipolar side of things. I still struggle a lot with the ADHD symptoms. The
main problems are that I have a lot of trouble getting motivated to do work and
that my brain goes dead around 3 pm. Now, I do tend to go in to work earlier
than most people but I still wish I could work longer without my energy being
drained or my brain shutting off. I guess that that’s my next goal for therapy.
And maybe I would benefit from some more medication adjustments. I guess we’ll
see. I’ll let you know how it goes.
