Back At It

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, it started off as “writer’s block” and then I just kind of forgot about it. I’d like to start writing again though, to share my more recent struggles with ADHD and Bipolar and maybe help someone along the way.

Earlier this year I had a lot of trouble with anxiety and periods of emotional distress (basically just out of proportion reactions that had me sending intense emails to my therapist when something happened that stressed me out and made me anxious) but with a few medication and lifestyle adjustments we have been able to dull these down quite a bit. For the anxiety, my psychiatrist increased the dose of one of my antidepressants and had me go off caffeine (luckily for me I don’t get caffeine withdrawal) and since then I have been doing very well. I also received some “words of wisdom” from my therapist. Every time I was anxious about something she would ask me what was the worst thing that could happen and then get me to give her possible solutions if that did happen. After doing this for a few months she made me realise that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world and I will find a way to figure it all out and that has calmed me down quite a bit. I’m fairly chill and at ease nowadays, which is a very weird feeling for me. Reducing my anxiety has also helped a lot with the emotional distress because I don’t freak out about things anymore, but my therapist helped me as well. Initially she just had me try to distract myself when I was upset so that I could get through those periods relatively unscathed but then one day when I went to see her, we talked about my most recent distress period and she said what if you just didn’t freak out? What if you accepted that you were anxious or upset about something and then just let it go, moved on? And somehow that worked. The next time I was getting panicky I just let it go and all was good. Strange that that’s all it took but hey I’m not complaining.

On another note, my presentation skills have definitely improved. I used to get really nervous and I would be shaking while I was giving my talk but that barely happens now. I recently gave a talk and didn’t shake at all! I don’t know if the reduction in my anxiety helped with that or if it’s just that the more you give talks the more comfortable you are but I feel like it was a combination of both.

So overall, I’m doing pretty well these days, at least on the bipolar side of things. I still struggle a lot with the ADHD symptoms. The main problems are that I have a lot of trouble getting motivated to do work and that my brain goes dead around 3 pm. Now, I do tend to go in to work earlier than most people but I still wish I could work longer without my energy being drained or my brain shutting off. I guess that that’s my next goal for therapy. And maybe I would benefit from some more medication adjustments. I guess we’ll see. I’ll let you know how it goes.