Auditory Processing 101

       So it’s been a while since I’ve made a real post (my rant a couple weeks ago doesn’t count) because February was a busy month for me, I had two presentations and my qualifying exam, but now that is all over with so I can get back to updating you on my…journey, for lack of a better word. 

       I had a bit of a rough time early last week because my learning disabilities showed their ugly faces during my exam and it really frustrates me that I can’t show people how much I know and that I usually end up looking incompetent. My examiners recommended that I do a few presentations each semester so that I can work on my communication skills which I will gladly do, I mean getting some practice in that area can only help. However, I think that they expect miracles and when your brain isn’t wired properly, practice makes perfect really doesn’t apply. I can practice presenting day in and day out but that’s not going to help when my brain doesn’t process a question properly, I’m still going to end up looking incompetent. Now I realise that auditory processing disorders aren’t common learning disabilities that everyone has a bit of knowledge on so I’m going to quote a few things from the audiologist’s report just to give you an idea of what I’m dealing with:

-She may have difficulty absorbing even simple language information.

-When in a noisy location (cafeteria, pub, bar), [she] will have more difficulties making out what is being said than the average listener.

-When listening to someone who mumbles, speaks rapidly or has a heavy accent, [she] will be at a great disadvantage as compared to normal listening peers.

-Rapid speech poses a difficulty, as it is the language which is hard to interpret.

-[Her] results indicate a slight memory deficit, at least in the auditory realm, and a more significant deficit for working memory.

-Stress can worsen the ability to take in information.

Sounds like fun eh? Now if I had known all this during my undergrad, I would have actually been able to benefit from the accommodations available to me (ie. note takers so I don’t have to rely on my listening skills to get the information). Grad school however is a whole different story as everything is a lot more verbal: you have to give presentations and answer questions, any exams are done orally, and at the end of it all you have to do an oral defence. And unfortunately there aren’t many accommodations that can be put into place in these situations. There are resources available that can teach me how to cope with my disability but these cost money, something I don’t really have in excess. My therapist is having me go to the centre for student’s with disabilities though so maybe they’ll be able to help out.

Social Skills of a 5 Year Old

     I’ve never been very good at the whole social thing. Everyone thinks I’m shy and quiet, and I admit that I am incredibly introverted, but I think most of it is that I just suck at connecting with people and coming up with things to say. I don’t enjoy being socially awkward and if I could participate in the conversation I would, but for some reason I just never developed these skills, hence the title of this post. Now part of it is because I have an auditory processing disorder and the name basically says it all, my brain doesn’t process auditory information as well as it’s supposed to. [Apparently I’ve had my brain scrambled a few too many times.] About 50% of the time I don’t fully understand what is being said to me, this leads to a lot of smiling and nodding. I will understand eventually but it may take me a while so if you have a question to ask me you may need to be prepared to come back later for an answer. Usually about 30 minutes after a conversation ends, I suddenly realise what the person was talking about and end up thinking “Damn, I could have said this and this.” And if there are more than a few people involved in the conversation, forget it. By the time I process what the first person has said, three other people have already responded and I have no idea what they said so I just sit there and try to not look too confused. This also happens in noisy environments (such as a pub) because my hearing is very sensitive and I’m also unable to discriminate between what the person is saying and the background noise. It causes some trouble in terms of articulating what I want to say as well. I always know what I mean but I can never seem to get the other person to understand, and then I get frustrated and give up, likely leaving the person I was talking to thinking that I’m a moron. Luckily I never had any desire to be a teacher.

     Although this disorder plays a big role in my social awkwardness, like I said, I’m pretty sure I just never developed the skills that allow you to make small talk and connect with people. [They've shown that a lack of social skills is often correlated with having a high IQ, so I’m just going to go with that.] My therapist was really happy when I told her that I started this blog because according to her I’ve found a way to use one of my “gifts” (writing) to connect with other people. For a while now she’s been having me email her in between our visits when I’m having a rough time or if there’s just something I need to talk about (because I think she figured out that I don’t really talk to anyone else) but this actually ended up becoming the best way for me to talk to her. I don’t get frustrated with not being able to explain what I mean and I can connect with her a lot more, so now when I go to my sessions she just pulls up my emails and we talk about what I’ve written. Unfortunately, being able to connect with people via my writing isn’t going to make my inevitable social encounters any easier. I’m sure there are a number of things I could do to help improve my social skills but I have a lot of other stuff on my plate right now so I don’t think I’m ready to make that commitment yet. Maybe one day, provided I get past my extraordinary ability to procrastinate.