Group Therapy

You may have figured out through reading this blog that I’m not a huge fan of the different types of therapy (eg. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I think most of the exercises they make you do are stupid and I don’t think they have ever actually helped me. Not that they actually are stupid. Apparently they help a lot of people and if you’re one of them then that’s great for you, but I definitely am not. I’ve had many arguments with my therapist about it because she insists that they help most people and doesn’t want to believe that I am one of the few who do not benefit from it. Eventually she stopped trying to make me do them and now we just talk, which helps me so much more. In my last post I mentioned how some of the things she has said to me completely changed my perspective and helped to improve my life, and this is completely true. I benefit from her talking to me about any issues I’m having and giving me examples of what I could do instead of, for instance, freaking out.

All that being said, she convinced me to join a CBT group that she was starting for adults with ADHD. We had our first session the other night and the first question she asked each of us was what we wanted to get out of this group therapy. My response, “I don’t know.” And luckily she let me leave it at that or we would’ve been there for a while because I honestly have no idea what I expect to get from this group. I don’t have the highest opinion of CBT but my previous experience (which included attending group therapy twice) was for the depression, not ADHD. I’m not expecting much but I figure I might as well try it, can’t hurt right? The “exercises” probably won’t help me much but maybe something someone says will. That’s how it works with my therapist. There is one major problem though, the sessions are two hours long. Try getting a bunch of people with ADHD to sit still and pay attention for two hours when their meds are starting to wear off. I give her credit though, she brought “toys” that we can play around with during the session to help keep us engaged, and she encouraged doodling, which is what I did for the entire session. It helps a bit, but being seated for that long is still pretty brutal. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get through it somehow.   

Back At It

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, it started off as “writer’s block” and then I just kind of forgot about it. I’d like to start writing again though, to share my more recent struggles with ADHD and Bipolar and maybe help someone along the way.

Earlier this year I had a lot of trouble with anxiety and periods of emotional distress (basically just out of proportion reactions that had me sending intense emails to my therapist when something happened that stressed me out and made me anxious) but with a few medication and lifestyle adjustments we have been able to dull these down quite a bit. For the anxiety, my psychiatrist increased the dose of one of my antidepressants and had me go off caffeine (luckily for me I don’t get caffeine withdrawal) and since then I have been doing very well. I also received some “words of wisdom” from my therapist. Every time I was anxious about something she would ask me what was the worst thing that could happen and then get me to give her possible solutions if that did happen. After doing this for a few months she made me realise that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world and I will find a way to figure it all out and that has calmed me down quite a bit. I’m fairly chill and at ease nowadays, which is a very weird feeling for me. Reducing my anxiety has also helped a lot with the emotional distress because I don’t freak out about things anymore, but my therapist helped me as well. Initially she just had me try to distract myself when I was upset so that I could get through those periods relatively unscathed but then one day when I went to see her, we talked about my most recent distress period and she said what if you just didn’t freak out? What if you accepted that you were anxious or upset about something and then just let it go, moved on? And somehow that worked. The next time I was getting panicky I just let it go and all was good. Strange that that’s all it took but hey I’m not complaining.

On another note, my presentation skills have definitely improved. I used to get really nervous and I would be shaking while I was giving my talk but that barely happens now. I recently gave a talk and didn’t shake at all! I don’t know if the reduction in my anxiety helped with that or if it’s just that the more you give talks the more comfortable you are but I feel like it was a combination of both.

So overall, I’m doing pretty well these days, at least on the bipolar side of things. I still struggle a lot with the ADHD symptoms. The main problems are that I have a lot of trouble getting motivated to do work and that my brain goes dead around 3 pm. Now, I do tend to go in to work earlier than most people but I still wish I could work longer without my energy being drained or my brain shutting off. I guess that that’s my next goal for therapy. And maybe I would benefit from some more medication adjustments. I guess we’ll see. I’ll let you know how it goes.  

ADHD

So this isn't a real post but I thought I would give you guys an opportunity to understand some of the struggles ADHD can cause and it kind of goes along with what I was talking about in my last post.  These are postings from an ADHD blog that I came across and it probably explains things better than I ever could so have a read if you're interested.

ADHD and Grad School

http://neuropsychologyclinicadhdlab.blogspot.ca/2011/08/brilliant-minds-with-learning.html

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/publications/observer/2007/march-07/learning-disabilities-in-graduate-school-closeted-or-out-in-the-open.html

ADHD and Social Skills

http://neuropsychologyclinicadhdlab.blogspot.ca/2011/09/adhd-and-social-challenges-at-work.html

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for ADHD

http://neuropsychologyclinicadhdlab.blogspot.ca/2011/12/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-invisible.html

Me? Immature?

       ADHD comes with a number of less than desirable qualities, most of which only really affect the person with the disorder. However, there are a few that make the general public not want to associate with us, for instance not understanding social rules. It has recently been brought to my attention that children with ADHD generally do not pick up on social niceties or appropriate and expected social behaviours and this leads to others seeing us as rude and immature. The social rules that most people just know are lost on us ADDers. How do they just know it? I have no idea, it’s not like they all took a course in social behaviour, but that’s exactly what a lot of people with ADHD need. This isn’t as much of a problem when you get diagnosed as a child because you are put in therapy or have special sessions in school where you are taught all the things that the rest of the world just picks up on. But when you’ve been diagnosed as an adult, who knows how different your life would have been had you known all these social rules.

       The reason I bring this up is because I recently had to contact someone to ask for a favour and I was told to make sure I asked nicely and included some chit-chat (I’m not sure whether I should read into the fact that I was expicitly told to include chit-chat regardless of whether or not it was required). My first thoughts were “What exactly is meant by chit-chat?” and then (once my therapist gave me some examples) “I have enough trouble coming up with things to say to people I know well, I have no idea what to say to someone I’ve only talked to a handful of times.” The ONLY thing that popped into my head was the weather, and that’s because I read on a website that is aimed at helping people with ADHD develop social skills that you should always be updated on the weather and the news so that you have something to fall back on during awkward silences (and yes I realise how pathetic it is that I have to go on websites to learn social rules but like I said, ADDers need a course on this). Now I never in a million years would have thought to add in some chit-chat at the beginning of my email, the way I see it is that if you don’t talk to the person regularly they’re going to know you want something so why not just come out and say it? Why do you have to dance around the subject first and waste everyone’s time? My therapist says that it’s just expected and that people like to be buttered up a bit before being asked for a favour (in order to entice me to partake in chit-chat, my therapist has equated it to foreplay, which I feel is way more important than chit-chat but anyway) which now has me concerned about how many times I may have come off as rude because I didn’t know to start off with some chit-chat, no examples come to mind but I’m sure it’s happened a number of times. Actually, one example does come to mind, when I email my therapist I always go straight into my problem, which is probably a little bit different than doing it with someone else but it’s probably still rude. I tried to ask her if it was rude but my emails to her aren’t being delivered at the moment so the answer is forthcoming…

       This whole discussion with my therapist about social behaviour and ADHD got me thinking about a number of other examples where I didn’t conform to social rules and probably came off as immature or inappropriate. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it now, and I just have to hope that, like my bipolar behaviours, people will put it behind them and realise that I’m working on it. My therapist wants to start an ADHD group so that we can be socially awkward together (actually the point is for us to learn how to associate with the general public but that’s how I view it). I’m not big on group therapy but we’ll see, and then I always have my websites. You better watch out, before you know it I’ll be a pro chit-chatter and will be out-socialising all of you! Ok not really, but hopefully I’ll improve.          

Social Skills of a 5 Year Old

     I’ve never been very good at the whole social thing. Everyone thinks I’m shy and quiet, and I admit that I am incredibly introverted, but I think most of it is that I just suck at connecting with people and coming up with things to say. I don’t enjoy being socially awkward and if I could participate in the conversation I would, but for some reason I just never developed these skills, hence the title of this post. Now part of it is because I have an auditory processing disorder and the name basically says it all, my brain doesn’t process auditory information as well as it’s supposed to. [Apparently I’ve had my brain scrambled a few too many times.] About 50% of the time I don’t fully understand what is being said to me, this leads to a lot of smiling and nodding. I will understand eventually but it may take me a while so if you have a question to ask me you may need to be prepared to come back later for an answer. Usually about 30 minutes after a conversation ends, I suddenly realise what the person was talking about and end up thinking “Damn, I could have said this and this.” And if there are more than a few people involved in the conversation, forget it. By the time I process what the first person has said, three other people have already responded and I have no idea what they said so I just sit there and try to not look too confused. This also happens in noisy environments (such as a pub) because my hearing is very sensitive and I’m also unable to discriminate between what the person is saying and the background noise. It causes some trouble in terms of articulating what I want to say as well. I always know what I mean but I can never seem to get the other person to understand, and then I get frustrated and give up, likely leaving the person I was talking to thinking that I’m a moron. Luckily I never had any desire to be a teacher.

     Although this disorder plays a big role in my social awkwardness, like I said, I’m pretty sure I just never developed the skills that allow you to make small talk and connect with people. [They've shown that a lack of social skills is often correlated with having a high IQ, so I’m just going to go with that.] My therapist was really happy when I told her that I started this blog because according to her I’ve found a way to use one of my “gifts” (writing) to connect with other people. For a while now she’s been having me email her in between our visits when I’m having a rough time or if there’s just something I need to talk about (because I think she figured out that I don’t really talk to anyone else) but this actually ended up becoming the best way for me to talk to her. I don’t get frustrated with not being able to explain what I mean and I can connect with her a lot more, so now when I go to my sessions she just pulls up my emails and we talk about what I’ve written. Unfortunately, being able to connect with people via my writing isn’t going to make my inevitable social encounters any easier. I’m sure there are a number of things I could do to help improve my social skills but I have a lot of other stuff on my plate right now so I don’t think I’m ready to make that commitment yet. Maybe one day, provided I get past my extraordinary ability to procrastinate.